Life Update

I started journaling again. 

I never imagined I'd find myself reaching for an old notebook that one of my students had given me. I thought I would never have the motivation to do this after years of feeling thoughtless and just going with the flow. Now, I see the aspects of my life that I'm grateful for and the moments I want to hold onto. Essentially, I rediscovered happiness in the little things and overall in my life. 

I haven't posted a blog since March 2017. So hello 2024! I'm back! 

I have been talking to Gia and Canah earlier over coffee and told them I want to revive this blog site and they have shown support. I told them that I badly wanted to write about our gala(s) and biglaang coffee dates and other stuff happening in my life; I even tried to show them what my blog site looked like but even my site and username slipped my mind. 

I'm on meds again. 

It took some time before I returned to the hospital for a mental health checkup. It all hit me when I couldn't sleep for three whole days. My brain was in overdrive, telling me I didn't need sleep and that I could conquer the world if I want to. I developed a sensation of not needing sleep, driven by an overwhelming belief that I could accomplish everything. 

Meanwhile, my physical strength was draining. My muscles were trembling, my mouth was dry, and I felt so fatigued. Despite these physical manifestations, my mind persistently insisted that I was NOT tired and that there were still tasks to accomplish. It's like my brain and body are playing different games. Crazy how the two can be so out of sync. Anyway, that's when I knew I had to check in and get things sorted.

I started getting nervous as I approached the doctor. When she mentioned that I am bipolar, an overwhelming feeling hit me, and I thought I might burst into tears right then. Despite it not being a new revelation, as I've heard it before, it still felt strangely unreal. But why did I suddenly feel a sense of shame, considering I've known about my bipolar condition for a long time? Hindi ko din alam. -_- 

Ayun lang. Life update para sa future self ko, in case I would forget how thankful should I be when I get older. ^_^ Hello Blogspot! Buhay pako!